When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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