I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
