for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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