Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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