just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
