Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
