I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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