i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
