Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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