I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
