Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
