I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
