Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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