this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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