I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
