i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
