so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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