I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
