Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
