I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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