The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just google imaged poop.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
