you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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