We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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