he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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