This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
