my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We got so high we made milksteak
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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