I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
