Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
