I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
