I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
