I think my vagina is haunted
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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