I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
