no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
