you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
