just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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