I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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