So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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