dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
