If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
