Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
