is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
