True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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