the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm like, not good at living.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
