i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
