he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
