I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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