my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
