well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
