I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
