so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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