i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
