Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can you bring me the toilet please
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
