Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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