That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
