I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
