My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
this will be a night to untag.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
